Where to go from here

"Mother's Day Out" as a toddler, private school-educated from preschool to 12th grade, one of the biggest universities in the US. My entire life I have been "spoon fed" as my 11th grade English/Humanities teacher would say. Life as far as school usually goes like this:
- you go to an elementary school and make new friends
- those friends either stay with you to middle school or go somewhere else, either way you have to go through the process of making new friends
- high school: repeat
- college: and again...
I on the other hand, have had the same people in my life since preschool. A social network where everyone knows everyone, gossip travels like the wind, who you are and what you do is determined by who you parents are, what they do, and what they have done in the community. "Friends" were handed to me from pre-school until second grade, the easy days when you are friends with anyone simply because they shared a secret with you; that or it was simply convenient for the parents to have those in close proximity over to the house to play. So pretty much the same people preschool through 8th grade. New people joined the school, but it was up to them to find their clique, not up to me to bring them into a group. I was set, didn't "need" new friends. For high school, a lot moved on but a lot stayed. We formed strong groups, we had been friends since 1st grade or earlier. Again, new people came and we became friends, but it was a result of their efforts, my acceptance. We knew eachother better than we knew ourselves. And then came college...
It's supposed to be "the best years of our lives", right? Not so much at the beginning. MAKE NEW FRIENDS, MEET NEW PEOPLE: it's drilled into every high school senior's head, and enforced at every college freshman orientation. There are weekend getaways to camps on ranches, where teambuilding and trust are at the core. For most these getaway camps determine your next four years and for many, years beyond; what cabin you are in and what group you are a part of determines who you will be friends with. Talk about where I'm from, what I like to do, what I'm going to major in, do I know so-and-so from Camp X: Make new friends? This I had never had to do before...
Well it's one of two things: A) I never had to make friends, I had the same ones for seventeen years, or B) it was the college - or both?
Picture this: Honestly the most beautiful campus I have ever seen. Perfectly maintained patches of grass, flowers, waterfalls, statues, buildings that all look the same, symmetry: I like it. Student body: some of the best looking people in the country, names known throughout the city, friends since birth, class, money. This all sounds perfect, but wrong. All those things sounds nice, but in reality it was a disaster. Girls paraded the campus with their Prada, Gucci and Chanel purses with stilettos and full made-up faces. Guys looked like a catalog ad with their infamous popped collar polos, khaki shorts, and Sperry's. Oh yes, and everyone has a BMW, right? For the most part, everyone knew everyone, you were defined by what your parents did and how much money that has deposited into a trust fund for the future, or now. Well, if you didn't get up at 7:00 AM and straighten your hair, put on an entire face of make-up, and some cute outfit... you were the center of humiliation. OH ya, remember backpacks? Those don't really exist here. Totes were the cool thing to take to class with you, not a cheap one from Target it had to be designer, something that would be recognized. I guess they looked more like a purse, oh and it left you lop-sided, real hot! Now MY college style, like most people I now know, was get up at the last minute that allowed enough time to do the essential morning chores, put on a t-shirt, some shorts (occasionally a skirt or little dress), flip flops and GO! Dont forget the backpack. So put the two together, A) a group of peope that thrive on their looks, money, assets, and what other's think of them, with B) my backpack, gym shorts, no make-up, BUT "you know nothing about my personality or background" style. I think you can guess what happened
You know how I said I never had to make friends? Well these people are the same way, yet they still don't have to make friends, that puts me in the position every new person was in when I was growing up. Strong relationships already exist, no need to add anyone new to the group. So my college selection threw me into a group of people that didn't want to make the effort to make friends, and that had a completely different style and view on life; or what they perceived life to be based on what they had experienced thus far thanks to their parents.
Being the person I am, I had bigger dreams anyway. I didn't submit to the life of getting up early to look pretty for the boys that would by me drinks with their dad's money. Actually, it wasn't even the boys that I would have been dressing up for, it would have been the girls, for their acceptance. To achieve that I would have had to purchase outrageously expensive sunglasses, purses, clothes, share with them my parents' bank statement for the year, get up early to dress and look nice, and whatever else was a requirement into their clique. Now it's not that I couldn't do these things... I easily could have done any and all of these "requirements", played the game, but it just wasn't my style. So I faded into the background and observed the glamour from a distance. While everyone else was out having fun in beautiful dresses at elaborate parties, I studied.
So sounds like I'm a really big dork huh? Think what you want, but goals aren't just handed to you. I had a goal in mind, and was determined to get there. I worked as hard as I could, earned some of the best grades I've made in my life, and got into the university that I was denied from the previous year. And so my college years began....(back in my hometown)
I got into the school I wanted, all I had to do was stay there. I reunited with some old friends (surprised?), and made a bunch of new ones. We partied every night of every weekend, attended football games and tailgated from 11AM to 2AM, went tubing, took ridiculous pictures in bars with bartenders spitting fire over shot glasses, it was what everyone talks about. Oh yea, and I wore t-shirts and running shorts to class! I didn't join a sorority, I thought I mentioned something about me not really needing to make new friends. Although, I will admit that the people I did meet in college are far better friends than I had in high school, the relationships are somehow different, more genuine? I don't know.
So now I have graduated and have a job. I still have the same friends I've had for the past few years, a couple old ones from high school have returned and we hang out. Now my problem: all of these good friends I had made over the years are moving away. They have taken jobs in other cities and states and left me with old high school acquaintances who have graduated and returned. I really have no interest in being friends with most of them, a couple will be friends forever. So here I am, stuck, with all of my good friends gone and moved away. I guess since I've grown up and matured somewhat, I had a good idea of going out and meeting new people, making new friends (NOW the idea sounds fun...). BUT everyone in the city known me. That's not a bad thing, but not really a good thing, because most people don't want to be friends with me because of who I am and what I enjoy doing, rather it's what they can benefit from being around me. They call when they want a ticket to a concert, or a free dinner, or know I'll buy them drinks. Those people I don't really consider friends.
A friend (a good one from high school, who I kept in touch with) asked me to move out of state with her for a year or two. I thought about me, and where I am in my life, and what I want from life, what I wan in my future, etc. I don't know what I want! I do know what I need; I need a new scene, a new group of people who don't know me, but are interested in what I have to offer as a person, a friend. The idea of meeting new people is finally appealing to me. So here I go... off to another state with a whole new lifestyle and a new group of people. Time to experience life alone, without the comfort of friends and family, but a whole handful of options head of me.